what a surprise!

i have to admit that i am somewhat shocked by the level of racism i am discovering amongst my friends!

black mumbo

i'm gonna lock you down with liqueur and love...

F1 season finale!

today's season finale of F1 could be the most exciting in years. it can go three ways and each of contenders are at top oif the game, but for me no one deserves it moretan mark webber. the aussie showed a solid performance during the season and if it was not for his technical team's mistakes in few races, he would have already been crowned world champion.
sebastian vettel, webber's teammate, was also very good and a bright prospect for the industry, but he was too inconsistent to be world champion. this is where vettel is clearly favoured when it comes down to two drivers.
and from them all, alonso has the best chacne. reliable ferrari, the team which was written off early in te season, steady but surely gained its place. despite that team order in hockenhim, at which massa was order to let alonso pass, would have made any difference now. alonso would still have the edge, considering the results after that race. the only difference would have been that today would be a tighter race.
anyways, just can't wait to go and watch the race. i a just looking for a great one. specially that webber shall start 5th in the grid with vettel and alonso on the first row!

a personal taste

i be more impressed by the way they undress rather than the way they dress!

a personal feeling

i find that irrelevance of a smart comment passed on a subject hurts more than grievance of a witless but relevant comment on the same subject. it just eliminates the joy of the conversation. 

barin of JFK

the whole world will be different soon,

the whole world will be relieved!

friends & acquaintances

too often one forgot the difference between a friend and an acquaintance and too often i get tangled in between to figure out whom i do call a friend and whom i don't? too often the ones that i spend time with them the most, doesn't deserve to be counted as friend!

how unhealthy! but can i really get rid of the acquaintances? well not really, since there are too few of friends around. some of them are thousands of miles away. some are near but for some reasons, it's not happening that we meet up. 

i guess it's a given that most of the times, there are some impurities. 

a friend to me is that no matter what, she or he would not be upset with me. stands by me all the time in good or bad. which makes me wonder, have i been a friend to my friends?

dysfunctional corporate systems.

today was the 10th year anniversary of a colleague working for my company. a huge and very well know one. a company that some will dream of working for. multi-international, good projects, sophisticated processes, anything that a good company have to offer and also so many flaws. 

something that amazed me from the day one was the HR dysfunctionalities (if such word exists). the fact that it's so not-fit-for-purpose that they have no means of recognizing friends and foes. something that i have first hand experience with. 

first HR people (not all of them but quite a lot of them) were from Ice-age. due to their back ground. mainly former admins who had been promoted to managerial positions without proper education, especially lack of resource management and change management skills. i believe change management is within HR essence. there's a flow of human Resource coming in & out of every organisation with a pace specifically defined by the size and nature of the business of each company. so change management first should be realised and understood by HR people. it seems not only at the company that i work for, but also in other companies it is an unattended or rather ignored competency. it somehow reflects the short comings of system developers who had actually ignored it. 

HR system flaws here are so that those who have bad intentions can bullshit their way up where people who have great enthusiasm for working in this company (or other bigger companies). last week i saw a colleague, a bright young talent, leaving the company. someone who could probably work for another 30 years in tis company, someone so proud of working in tis organisation that had chosen a user name with name of the company included in it. it got me to think how easy he'd been letting go? and then today we celebrated the 10th year anniversary of a man, a senior manager, who hardly cares about what's going to happen! 

it just is disappointing. very disappointing. and a colleague friend once put it very well that "it needs a decade for HR Managers and People to evolve. We need to see the incumbents leave the organisations and be replaced with younger people and fresh ideas to have current issues tackled."

sitting behind my desk and looking over this huge city southward! the city that has so many stories about me and about millions of others. the city that had shared my happiness and grief, my hope and hopelessness, my saint and evil. the city that i have always cursed and yet i could only miss it anytime i moved!

it's been quite a few months since it is over. yet, i still have to hear the childish stories. damn, why can't people grow up and learn to live by the consequences of what they do???? i just can't get it! all i can say is just to piss off biaaaaaatch....

the day that i am in chain for what i believe and for my freedom, is the moment that i have earned, to have my head held up high...

where only eagles dare

as sun beams carve through
the skin of my face
i am
lost
in the lonliness of the purest moment
as i am standing
on the highest high,
where only
eagles dare

just a thought

the end is near,
i'm broken wings
and we're standing here
all alone
on the edge
and a step further is
the emptiness

i've read this quote, in farsi said to be from Cyrus the Great. here's my translation:

to fight the darkness,
i shall not draw my sword,
but i will use light

another old post

i came up with this one in 2004, in a rainy night coming back from Nima's house.
probably my first and so far last lyrics. i like it though,. it wa triggered by a song by Omega (the Hungarian 60's rock band) and covered by a Polish singer Kaziczk as well as Scorpions. quite a nice balad the original song is. since i was not able to understand whatit says until lately and thanks to Goole translate. it's mainly what it was back then with few rewording and additions:

moon cries
and her tears fall
through grey skies
as wind howls

dawn comes alive
ending another restless night
sun sets in west
the wait begins

this one is for your eyes
that shines through the darkening night
lights my dark dreams away
breath my soul alive

i feel numb again
in this lost space
longing for time to stop
as i lay my head by you

taste of your lips
touch of your skin
free me as
your soul flies away

this one is for your eyes
that shines through the darkening night
lights my dark dreams away
breath my soul alive

this one is for your eyes
that shines through the darkening night
fight, fight, fight for the right
freedom is near

this an old post. very very old!

an early wake up & a wash of face
she puts on the scarf of slaves

soon leaves home, starts another day
into her lonliest cell

and while she passes me by,
far away at the other side of the cab window,
tangled in cobwebs,
gazing at her never escaping sadness

i guess more of anything, the recent events had been a blessing for me. i have been assigned to a project working with chinese. it was a good experience to see how diverse i am when dealing with other cultures. not that much wit these guys. in corporate world (and not outside of it) chinese are famous for they ruthless treatment of people. i mean all corporates are ruthless except in some of the organisations there would be an explanation, here is nothing clear. some vague comments or no explanation at all. i have not been any better. i intentionally, showed inflexibility in adapting their corporate culture, for it was in vehement contrast with my foundamentals. i am not a foundamentalist, but there are few things that i defy, like blindly following a bigger brother or accept a system which takes the power of thinking and having an opinion from me.
well i can't say i am not disappointed but i am not pissed as well. after all i was not happy with them and the way they were working
i have to say i will miss my supervisor, Xing. he was a nice and decent man. understandably, i am in awe of their obedience towards their superiors. no matter what, they will follow! this was one thing i never even tried to adapt myself with. challenging them to the last second. i know the more senior ones were not happy with that.

adding to that was the discussions on Thursday evening with my now EX-girl, in which she said she's not getting what she wants and then we should not continue. she is right though. no long term plan with her for me. but i could use her comfort for longer time. only naturally, she needs to look after her.

so yesterday i started a new chapter. it's strange though. i am thinking maybe i'm a real misfit for this corporate world. maybe i am too frank and direct, too unpolitical for them. although my experience in Libya says otherwise.

at least now, i have more time to myself and can pursue ski a bit more and lot more of fotography (with "f" and not "ph" of course). got a competition coming up by end of Feb. not much time left.

clearly there's no point in lamenting the past. what had been done is done. it's part of thegame. the dicisions one makes, and then the result would build up the future. all of what some call fate, i refuse to say it's been written. it's all out there and it depends what one makes out of it.

where do i belong to?

the last thing i want is to be like the ones i dislike. i always thought i am a logical and reasonable person. where now it had occurred to me that i might be as hard headed as one can be! it's sad. i am in one of the states that my initial reaction to others is that they suck! which is not true. i mean not everyone suck.

it's been a while

living with parents is hard, let alone after few years of being away from them and living alone. it looks as if we are from different planets! i wonder what's wrong. i just can't take any of what they say! and i have too little respect for them now, which is not fun and it hurts.
damn it!