spam and birthday!

today is my 37th birthday... an indication of getting old and slowly ailing body. however, so long as we have spams, there would be no worries. so many ads for VIAGRA and how the girls like my size, that i can only relax and enjoy the day! and in times of need, i know i can look into my spam!

and justice for all?

reading the news everyday and some of them are heart aching. a guy, arrested in a western iranian city is sentenced to death over stupid and general baseless charges. another one had been told by judge that although he's young andthere hasn't been solid case against him, he would be convicted to have contact with MKO since MInistry of Intelligence says so and therefore he would most probably be executed. few others had been rapped and brutaly murdered by judiciary and police officials andi wonder would there ever be a justice?

just a thought

the end is near,
i'm broken wings
and we're standing here
all alone
on the edge
and a step further is
the emptiness

generalisation tendencies!

i don't understand the people who generalise everything, like"they don't understand why iranian people are at extremes... either too salty or no salt (an iranian expression)" or arabs are like this or chinese are like that (i have done taht before myself and i don't get myself why the hell have i said that.
it's sickening...

and when it comes it will feel like a kiss
but silent about it
and i cannot say that i was not warned or was misled

i've read this quote, in farsi said to be from Cyrus the Great. here's my translation:

to fight the darkness,
i shall not draw my sword,
but i will use light

another old post

i came up with this one in 2004, in a rainy night coming back from Nima's house.
probably my first and so far last lyrics. i like it though,. it wa triggered by a song by Omega (the Hungarian 60's rock band) and covered by a Polish singer Kaziczk as well as Scorpions. quite a nice balad the original song is. since i was not able to understand whatit says until lately and thanks to Goole translate. it's mainly what it was back then with few rewording and additions:

moon cries
and her tears fall
through grey skies
as wind howls

dawn comes alive
ending another restless night
sun sets in west
the wait begins

this one is for your eyes
that shines through the darkening night
lights my dark dreams away
breath my soul alive

i feel numb again
in this lost space
longing for time to stop
as i lay my head by you

taste of your lips
touch of your skin
free me as
your soul flies away

this one is for your eyes
that shines through the darkening night
lights my dark dreams away
breath my soul alive

this one is for your eyes
that shines through the darkening night
fight, fight, fight for the right
freedom is near

this an old post. very very old!

an early wake up & a wash of face
she puts on the scarf of slaves

soon leaves home, starts another day
into her lonliest cell

and while she passes me by,
far away at the other side of the cab window,
tangled in cobwebs,
gazing at her never escaping sadness

i guess more of anything, the recent events had been a blessing for me. i have been assigned to a project working with chinese. it was a good experience to see how diverse i am when dealing with other cultures. not that much wit these guys. in corporate world (and not outside of it) chinese are famous for they ruthless treatment of people. i mean all corporates are ruthless except in some of the organisations there would be an explanation, here is nothing clear. some vague comments or no explanation at all. i have not been any better. i intentionally, showed inflexibility in adapting their corporate culture, for it was in vehement contrast with my foundamentals. i am not a foundamentalist, but there are few things that i defy, like blindly following a bigger brother or accept a system which takes the power of thinking and having an opinion from me.
well i can't say i am not disappointed but i am not pissed as well. after all i was not happy with them and the way they were working
i have to say i will miss my supervisor, Xing. he was a nice and decent man. understandably, i am in awe of their obedience towards their superiors. no matter what, they will follow! this was one thing i never even tried to adapt myself with. challenging them to the last second. i know the more senior ones were not happy with that.

adding to that was the discussions on Thursday evening with my now EX-girl, in which she said she's not getting what she wants and then we should not continue. she is right though. no long term plan with her for me. but i could use her comfort for longer time. only naturally, she needs to look after her.

so yesterday i started a new chapter. it's strange though. i am thinking maybe i'm a real misfit for this corporate world. maybe i am too frank and direct, too unpolitical for them. although my experience in Libya says otherwise.

at least now, i have more time to myself and can pursue ski a bit more and lot more of fotography (with "f" and not "ph" of course). got a competition coming up by end of Feb. not much time left.

it was a heated discussion on wednesday night at one my friends about iran and that we are a third world country. as frank as i am, the debate couldn't be a cool one. the dentist, my friends boy friend, i think is a total jerk. one of them kinds that thinks so negative about others that makes me wanna vomit. he remorselessly says that he breaks the law, when driving. he drives the one way streets and has no problem with that and he understands if others do that as well. i believe that people like him makes us a third world and it told him that. in reply he said people like me makes iran a third world country. when i asked him why, he had no answer, for his reply was out of anger and being pissed off!
what really makes us like this? we are supposed to be rational and that's what distinguish us from other animals. rationality and power to think. all animals have ways to communicate, they socialise, they have sex and produce. what makes us dominant is the power to think logically rather than do things instinctively and make them true. how stupid is that if one constantly says we are third world and doesn't do shit to make a change? how lame and fucked up is that? a dentist who is conceived as "educate" and considers himself an intellectual?
after the extremists, we need to get rid of these kind of animals! how c an he expects to be respected when he doesn't respect the basic social rights of others?

clearly there's no point in lamenting the past. what had been done is done. it's part of thegame. the dicisions one makes, and then the result would build up the future. all of what some call fate, i refuse to say it's been written. it's all out there and it depends what one makes out of it.

GA Montazeri passed away

GA Montazeri, the prominent dissident just passed away.

he was a cleric. one of the influential figures of revolution. a cleric, writer and later he showed his human right activist side.
if he had not the same effect as the Founder of revolution on 1979 event, he's definitely the second in line. he fought hard and bravely against Pahvlavi's and spent sometimes in prison too. he was the right hand of GA Khomeini who led Iran to revolution. however, during late 80's (89) he fell out of favour with Leader at time and the founder of revolution. at that time, when mass execution of dissident started, he was almost the only one who stood up against it and he later started his house arrest and was banned from teaching and preaching.

at first look, it might look silly i am writing about him, as we have the least in common. me being someone who keeps his beliefs to himself and he, a true god believer and someone who worked all his life to fight for it and promote it. as a matter of fact we have an important thing in common, and that was the strive and passion for freedom from oppression. he supported the dissident activists all these years. he never stop criticising the government and false divinity of a leader. he stood up against the execution of dissidents and paid the price but never backed down. he stayed true to it and did so until the last minute. may he rest in peace.

i hope i could do the same and can make a difference, though very little.

am i being listless or lazy?

just got a threatening note form a friend that i should update my blog more often and let say regularly. well yeah but he recent events and all the cyber-activities had really taken the energy out of me. the wait and the anxiousness of what gonna happen to us in iran took its toll. and the work as well. my company is partnering with this chinese company and i can't say how disappointing it is to have chinese investing and developing our resources. they lack knowledge of the most basic and fundamentals of any discipline. our tax money and natural resources are being spent to have them eyeliners richer and richer day by day! irony of it all is that these guys are godless communists working in Islamic Republic! brothers i guess :S

where do i belong to?

the last thing i want is to be like the ones i dislike. i always thought i am a logical and reasonable person. where now it had occurred to me that i might be as hard headed as one can be! it's sad. i am in one of the states that my initial reaction to others is that they suck! which is not true. i mean not everyone suck.

stripped - depeche mode

come with me
into the trees
we'll lay on the grass
and let the hours pass

take my hand
come back to the land
let's get away
just for one day

let me see you
stripped down to the bone
let me see you
stripped down to the bone

metropolis
has nothing on this
you're breathing's in fumes
i taste when we kiss

take my hand
come back to the land
where everything's ours
for a few hours

let me hear you
make decisions
without your television
let me hear you
speaking just for me

it's been a while

living with parents is hard, let alone after few years of being away from them and living alone. it looks as if we are from different planets! i wonder what's wrong. i just can't take any of what they say! and i have too little respect for them now, which is not fun and it hurts.
damn it!

placebo - the bitter end

since we're feeling so anaesthetized,

in our comfort zone,

reminds me of the second time,

that i followed you home,

we're running out of alibi's,

on the second of may,

reminds me of the summertime,

on this winter's day,

see you at the bitter end;

every step we take that synchronised,

every broken bone,

reminds me of the second time,

that i followed you home,

you showered me with lullabies,

as you're walking away,

reminds me that it's killing time,

on this fateful day,

see you at the bitter end;

from the time we intercepted,

feels a lot like suicide,

slow and sad, come in silence,

arise a bitter mine,

see you at the bitter end;

i love to see you run around,

and i can see you now,

running to me,

arms wide out,

see you at the bitter end;

come on reach inside,

grab the gentleness inside,

heard a cry,

six months time,

in six months time,

prepare the end,

by Gibran Khalil Gibran

"i tell you that the children of yesteryears are walking in the funeral of the era that they created for themselves. they are pulling a rotted rope that might break soon and cause them to drop into a forgotten abyss. i say that they are living in homes with weak foundations; as the storm blows -- and it is about to blow -- their homes will fall upon their heads and thus become their tombs. i say that all their thoughts, their sayings, their quarrels, their compositions, their books and all their work are nothing but chains dragging them because they are too weak to pull the load.
but the children of tomorrow are the ones called by life, and the follow it with steady steps and heads high, they are the dawn of new frontiers, no smoke will veil their eyes and no jingle of chains will drown out their voices. they are few in number, but the difference is as between a grain of wheat and a stack of hay. no one knows them but they know each other. they are like the summits, which can see or hear each other -- not like caves, which cannot hear or see. they are the seed dropped by the hand of god in the field, breaking through its pod and waving its sapling leaves before the face of the sun. it shall grow into a mighty tree, its root in the heart of the earth and its branches high in the sky."

in pursuit of happiness - tales from my hometown!

yesterday i spent the day in mountains climbing rocks over and over again and enjoying some stunning scenery that had been rare to my eyes. we started the day at 7:30 and finished. we had breakfast on the way up to the mountain and we had breakfast and so i ran out of small cash i had. after we finished, we headed back to Tehran and as any weekend, it was a disastrous traffic jam. quadruple or quintuple lines in one lane road! but none of so far told is what stroke me the most yesterday.
we only had some dates and few dried berries to eat whole day and we were getting overly hungry after so many climbs. we stopped to get some fresh walnuts and a couple of grilled corns. really a delicacy. i gave my friend the only 2000 toman bill i had and she had the same and she took off to the cart parked by the busiest road. i was sitting in the car that i noticed him. that guy embracing a bongo like precussion, singing to the beat of the drum. he had a fun face with glasses, quite thick, and dark skin. maybe from the sun, but most likely he had used some wax to resemble "Haji Firooz", which is is the traditional herald of the Iranian New Year Nowrooz season. wearing black make-up and a red costume, Haji Firuz sings and dances through the streets with percussions and other instruments spreading good cheer and the news of the coming New Year. he approached me in the car (not my car) and first thing he said: "why are yo not happy?" and started to sing for me. quite rhythmic and cheerful. he was waiting for a contribution from pennyless me. it was a moment too hard to bear. if i'd noticed him before i gave my bill to my friend, i would have spared it. i shamefully told him that i have no money, and i am sure he didn't believe me for obvious reason. so he went away and continued to cheerinfg up people for a small change or something. my friend gave me bag of fresh walnuts the only thing that i could later offer him and he accpeted that saying: "well that's better than nothing."
i am yet to keep his attitude and cheerfulness off of my mind.
i can only regret that i couldn't help him. i hope i get the chance to go there once again and help him a bit and maybe i can have a chat with him too. it seems he had lot for me to learn from.

how i wish i could retire today and not work or the rest of my life... i would have enjoyed it to the bones