hard times

when times are hard and you are feeling down and depressed. feeling like life constantly fucks you up, take a deep breath, chill out and enjoy the orgasm!

a personal taste

i be more impressed by the way they undress rather than the way they dress!

change - Blind Melon

lyrics by Shanon Hoon:

i don't feel the suns comin' out today
its staying in, its gonna find another way.
as i sit here in this misery, i don't
think i'll ever see the sun from here.

and oh as i fade away,
they'll all look at me and say, and they'll say,
hey look at him! i'll never live that way.
but that's okay
they're just afraid to change.

when you feel your life ain't worth living
you've got to stand up and
take a look around you then a look way up to the sky.
and when your deepest thoughts are broken,
keep on dreaming boy, cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die.

and as we all play parts of tomorrow,
some ways will work and other ways we'll play.
but i know we all can't stay here forever,
so i want to write my words on the face of today.
and then they'll paint it

and oh as i fade away,
they'll all look at me and they'll say,
hey look at him and where he is these days.
when life is hard, you have to change.

واقعا حال نوشتن ندارم!!!!!

سه تا درخت بید که دو تاس بید بید و یه تاس بید نبید. او که بید نبید وسط او دو تا که بید بید بید!‍‍‍‍٬

Halcyon Days

Halcyon Days are the seven days in winter when storms never occur.

rescue of Chilean Miners

the rescue mission of Chilean miners, which is currently underway and now 6th miner had reached the surface is a show case of human spirit, toughness, the will to live and resolve at its best and ultimate.
it's surely one of the most emotional days we will experience in long time for a better cause. but a tragedy in essence.
it would be an anxious time until the 33rd miner and the rescue crew comes out. having spend a lot of time in construction sites, offshore platforms and mines, i know how little it takes for a mission to fail. i can only hope that the rescue team keep their head down and feet on the ground, continue the fantastic work they have been doing so far. otherwise, it would be twice as tragic. i can only hope for the best and a perfect mission accomplishment.

things to take away from this ordeal for me:
1- a great friend said on twitter: "if this does not give you a will t live, i'm afraid nothing will" and it is simply true. i cannot imagine spending 5 minutes under my bed, let alone weeks and weeks 700 meters under ground, in peril. "whether i will live to see another sun light?" would have been the question i would have asked myself.
2- when there's will there's a way... it has always been. maybe we should look at this and ask ourselves, do we have the will to live enough to make a change? to make the big bad wolf go?
3- it's a sad story in the mean time to see that a group of less fortunate men (and women in other instances; kids) have to work their ass off, put their lives on the line so that some one cashes in. it's painful!

all in all, i am over the moon to see them coming out. a happy day in deed.

save you - pearljam

gonna save you fucker,....not gonna lose you
feeling cocky and strong,.. can't let you go,...
too important to me

too important to us,... we'd be lost without you
baby, let yourself fall,... i'm right below you now

and fuck me if i say something you don't wanna hear
and fuck if you only hear what you wanna hear
fuck me if i care,... but i'm not leaving here

you helped me when i was down,... i'll help when you're down
why are you hitting yourself?... c'mon hit me instead

let's pick up your will,... it's grown fat and lazy
i'm sympathetic as well,... don't go on me now

and i'm not living this life without you, i'm selfish and clear
and you're not leaving here without me, i don't wanna be without
my best... friend. wake up, to see you could have it all

cause there is but you,... and something within you
it's taken control,.. let's beat it, get up let's go!

oh you're in your own world, let's see the whole world
let's pick up your soul

and fuck me if i say something you don't wanna hear
and fuck me if you only hear the treble in your head
please help,... me,... to help you,... help yourself

help me help yourself,... please want me to,... please let me to

help you

a personal feeling

i find that irrelevance of a smart comment passed on a subject hurts more than grievance of a witless but relevant comment on the same subject. it just eliminates the joy of the conversation. 

"is it possible for a woman to get pregnant without intercourse?" Tom Waits - an intro to Train Song from Big Time

"well... look, i think the question i get asked the most is... i mean, it happens a lot. enough that i would remark on it.

a lot of people come up to me and they say, 'tom, is it possible for a woman to get pregnant without intercourse?'

and my answer is always the same. i say, 'well, listen. we're gonna have to go all the way back to the civil war.' apparently, a stray bullet actually pierced the testicle of a union soldier, and then lodged itself in the ovaries of an eighteen year old girl, who was actually a hundred feet from him at the time. well, the baby was fine. she was very happy, guilt free and... of course, the soldier was a little pissed off. when you think about it, it's actually a form of intercourse, but... not for everyone. those who love action maybe."

30 years

30 years since the first bullet had been shot, had passed. 8 years of a tough life-style. a tough life, which i oddly managed to enjoy a lot of it as a kid.
so many moments in times when we flee to the suburbs with 7 other families to my grand dads mansion. where we were more than 30 people in a 1 bedroom two story getaway and all those mornings that i had to go back to Tehran for school's fucking summer programms! the moments that i used to run to the roof to watch find the trails of missiles pouring on our head. or that early morning when a missile hit just 500 meters away from my bedroom and then i had to sit physics exam! or the red alert siren and the constant fear of a bomb hitting our home living within. from all that two very special but not necessarily pleasant had been etched in my mind.
one was the day during the time Scud missiles were flying all around. i was atop Shemshak peak on a gorgeous sunny day of skiing. i saw 7 Scud missiles flying over Tehran seconds before they released the warhead. i was left in a moment of negative and evil fascination, yet huge despair. i wondered if my home had been hit, yet instinctively i knew we weren't!
the other one is the footage of chemical attack by Iraqis on Fav Island, Halabche and Shalamche. it was their land and at that time we were the occupiers. they were the hunters turned prey. it still is not within the realm of my understanding that how and why someone can do that? the question why war has not been solved for me, yet!

Albert Einstein once wrote:
"It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder."

and Ernest Hemingway wrote:
“Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime.”

one of the many days

day vanishes
as the sun
fades in distant horizon
leaves me alone
in my despair
and tonight
not even the moon
- lonely as he maybe -
would witness
this decadence


Sept 14th, 2010 

خیام

می خوردن و شاد بودن آیین من است

 فارغ بودن ز کفر و دین دین من است

vision

vision is probably the most essential element to progress. the foundation of any future developments. an effort without a vision is like building without foundation.
i just had a conversation with a colleague over ski and snowboard. i just happen to school him about history of snowboarding, how it started and the pioneers like Jake Burton, Tom Sims, Dimitrije Milovich and Mike Olsen dared to explore the unknown grounds, then how later Shawn Farmer and Nick Pereta developed the skills until now that already legends like Terje Haakonsen and Travis Rice are pushing the limits further.
i have been skiing for 28 years now and i have never been encouraged to snowboard. never even tempted, in fact i kind of don't like snowboarders for their generally reckless and irresponsible attitude. specially their "i'm too cool to wait in line" attitude, while queuing up for lift.
just like any other thing tough, a good snowboarder is always admirable while riding.
not to get distracted from the topic, after seeing the movie First Descent, which is about history of snowboarding and a first descent in Alaska's very own Chugach mountain range, i could only have admiration for those people i named above. what they had was a dream, which turned into an ambition and a vision. later they just made it happen. as simple as that. all they were was bunch of surfer dudes or skateboarders who wanted to experience the same feeling on the snow and they just did it. it was genuine and pure effort.
what made them a success story was that they never mixed a vision with an illusion. it's so important not to be deluded. not to mix a vision with an illusion.
a great lesson learned for me and although i might curse life from time to time, i feel lucky to be born at a time to have known such people, i am sure if i were few years older or younger i wouldn't have the same feeling and understanding about it.

Brazil beats Iran in FIBA World Championship - Turkey

Brazil defeated Iran 81-65 last night. in all fairness, Iran played well. players put their heart out there and showed some serious attitude. the right attitude. most of the time the were tough on Defence (but not quite enough, and i will tell why i claim that) and used jumpers more often that they used to do in World cup Qualifying games and ABC Asian Championship. These are good signs. the line up usually runs the floor well and transition speed was acceptable. but is acceptable enough to compete at that level? well not really.

let's start with defence and statistics shows that although Iran had show tough defence but it somehow never went further than individuals showing their skills. 5 BS by Hamed Haddadi, 2 BS Sahakian & one by Veisi and Kazemi each, both of which were brilliant pieces of play. somehow, specially down the stretch, Iran failed to show the team defence and gave away too many open looks to deadly Barbosa, Giovannoni and Splitter; while allowing Huertas dish the passes to Splitter and Giovannoni in the paint for easy lay ups.
in instances there was absolutely no effort to put pressure on the players shooting from the perimeter or down town. with a defence like that , Iran would hardly administer any harm on easier teams like Tunisia. transition from offense to defence was quite good but once Brazilian's set offence started, Iran had lost their mobility. this immobility was more significant when Kardoust would have stepped in from the bench. although he has the size, he seriously lacks agility, which cannot be addressed right now unless his style of defence changed in a way that he could somehow put his body and size in use. maybe a mixture of Zone and man2man defence. Kardoust-Splitter one-on-one match up could have give him more options and presence in defence. despite above, it is not fair to single out Kardoust, as i believe it has more to do with coaching staff than the individual. individuals are responsible to train well and do what they are asked to do and be professional. not only Kardoust, but Hamed Haddadi, to some extent Arsalan Kazemi and Sahakian, and the rest of the team with the exception of Kamrani, Davari and Veissi need sprint training. something that NBA training manuals recommend in off-season programmes. compare Dwight Howard's transition speed and Haddadi's. i cannot accept when people say they are not comparable. Haddadi is playing in the same league and if wants to step in the court, he needs to up his game and he needs to work on it. he is not even as fast as Thabeet, with whom he competes for a sixth man position in Memphis.

Offense starts with transition, despite lack of size in Iran team, agility in transition and use of void spaces for open looks is missing in team Iran. it seems that there is a mind set that a set offense starts with opponent in position! there's no sign of early offense. San Antonio Spurs were the master of early offense and Greg Popovich had developed the tactic significantly. specially at the times when he had weapons and Sean Elliot, AJ, Doc Rivers, at times Michael Finely, Tim Duncan, even Admiral. it's not a fast break and it's not a set offense. it's an opportunity to caught he opponent off guard or at least make them run faster and harder during transitions, resulting in faster exhaustion of opponents. this is a knowledge that needs to be passed to players by coaches or if a team is lucky, players are keen enough to search for it and read about. hopefully they will employ that in their plays.
another issue that hurts team Iran is the ball handling in front court. i cannot accept that they lack the skills. Kamrani had shown many times that he is a capable ball handler, as well as all other players in front court. however, they somehow lose it when they are pressured or trapped. this could be fixed as it is a result of either wrong decision making at the time or bad call of plays. passing the ball is an asset not ot get into those situations.
Hamed Haddadi as the most efficient and top scorer simply did not receive enough balls, where Kamrani and Kazemi are responsible for 42% of the attempts (26 out of 62) they had only made 9, which is 34%. Haddadi and Sahakian had 20 attempts making 11 (55%). the statistics shows that at the times that specially Kamrani needed to be reminded by Coaching staff, that he needs to focus on calling right plays rather than trying to be the top scorer, they failed leading to a miserable night for him with only 4 assists and a 33% shooting, with some bad shot selections. Haddadi clearly had an advantage in the paint and whenever he had the ball, he was a threat.

in the meantime, Iran was out-rebounded by 7. this needs to be addressed. there is simply no excuse neither for Haddadi, nor for Sahakian, Kazemi and others to have let Giovannoni to register 4 offensive rebounds. that's already 4 second chance opportunities.
in play making Iran was also out played. 16 Assists of Brazil compared to 7 of Iran's. it is simply not enough.
TOs are quite close (14-17) and it could have at least been equal. there were silly mistakes in passing. simple passes were being mishandled which needs to be addressed.

all in all, it's been a good performance and i genuinely believe that this Iran team has much more to offer, if it is managed and guided properly and with a bit of courage. Iran needs composure in defense and more involvement of reliable Haddadi's offense.
in the end i would like to emphasize that all i care about is for Iranian team to play a better basketball, for i believe they can and i hope they will.

wise man said

a wise man once said:"Don't ask God to make your life easier, ask him to make you a stronger person!"
well if i were to ask from someone called god, i would have only asked him to give a fuck about what he had created!

tales of the city - jigsaw will never fall into place!

it was around 6:30 when he left the office building. it's located right across the subway station, where he takes the tube to work and back everyday. an office on top of a building with a panoramic view to the city, specially a clear view to his favourite mountain peak at the north of the city.

he took the same path he used to take everyday to the subway station. he had jigsaw falling into place by radio head on, in his i-pod, listening to music just as any other day. same paddlers and dealers had their stuff showing on the ground. maybe same people were walking by.

though, that day was somehow different! he came across a little girl, selling small packs of tissues. 8 maybe 9, with her glasses on and a girly dress in pink and white. just behind her was probably her wimp mother, cover in a dirty black cloth, offering a scale for people to weigh themselves. maybe a reminder of their miserable life.

it stroke him like a hammer.

"...just as they play your favourite song
as your bad mood disappears..."

a sudden rush of thoughts made his mood disappear. the thoughts about the little girl's life! "what is her joy? how does she have fun? does she own toys?" the little girl didn’t seemed to care that much though and she was playing with a bag of small packs of tissues. what she had to sell. a head ache, for millions of thoughts rushed through his head. he wondered about the compassionate and the merciful?
he wished for the power to change her life. give her a better life. he thought " such a wishful thinking! one cannot even find it in happy ending fairy takes these days." yet he was not sure if he had the power to change things, she would be happy. he felt mad at himself and helpless feeling.

he then continued on. he felt like the time was no passing as it's supposed to and each step seemed like an hour. all in slow motion. he was now realising the details that he had never known before. details of despair and pain, hopelessness within the face of the people, whether the illegal merchants or passer bys. the boys the girls. sometimes but rarely, smiles and laughters.

"...before you run away from me
before you're lost between the notes
the beat goes round and round..."

the next one caught his attention was that young fit man selling sunglasses. quite in shape. "he couldn't be just another random seller" he said to himself. "he just doesn't fit in here!" he wondered why he's there, although he had his guess. "money... why else? living is not easy in this town." “this guy could be a fitness instructor” he thought. and he suddenly remembered the recent comments of buffoon Il Presidente! “people live happy in this town!” a feeling of rage filled him within.

he never found the courage to start a conversation and he continued on. he in fact was a chicken in starting conversations!

as he approached the stairs he noticed that the young man who used to sit there and sells maps of the city is not there. he felt a vacuum within his life. a surprising vacuum! “why should i feel this way?” he wondered. he then realised that there was no more of the telepathic conversations with the boy. he missed him there. just as if the monument of freedom was stolen from city square, he was stolen from that place and moment. he felt robbed.

"... come on and let it out ..."

he wanted to scream. scream his name but he wouldn't know that! after all conversations were all up in his head. mute and silent! those conversation wouldn't fit in words or limits of his courage.
“where are you my friend?” he whispered. he felt a failure, for all the promises he made to the boy but could never fulfill them. all those promises have become all but nonesense. he had to move on and get out of that torturous moment.

so he did and there was the elderly man who sells religious tablets. all kinds of prayers, verses from holly book for the lost souls. a saviour sent from heaven!
he’d known the elderly for a year now. longer than anyone there. the very first day that he came back home and went to the office the elderly was there, standing with his merchandise next to office building's steel barriers.
at first, elderly presence was like a support to him filling the boys vacuum, until the moment he looked closer at old man's face. the same hopelessness he was struggling through that day with an additional tiredness. he was looking for something different in the existence of that man. someone who has experienced a lot and knows how to treat the ups and downs of life. instead, he found nothing but pain. a pain that he himself had partly transferred to the elderly and other merchants there. the pain of a better life style, at least on the surface.

"... jigsaw falling into place
there is nothing to explain
you eye each other as you pass..."

it all was a familiar experience on a whole new level. effigies of hopelessness and despair. an illustration of the helplessness he had been feeling for long time. it was painful.
he couldn't do a thing to help them, to wipe off the misery. so he continued suffering with them. after all all he had in his pocket was a credit to get in the subway train, to get home. nothing more. not even a dime!

"... wish away the nightmare ..."

he had a moment of silent with himself. suddenly, everything was blank. and he could paint them in the way he wanted to. in that moment, everything was different.

"... jigsaw's falling, ... into place ..."

experiencing the power to change things was sweetest taste he had for long time. though not long lived.
he snapped out of the moment as a passer by hit him in shoulder and realised nothing had changed. just as bitter as it was. and he couldn't explain a thing, just as it was in the song. the difference with song was that the jigsaw never falls in place here.

خوبیش اینه که ما هر هفته از سالمون یه اسمی داره. ولی نمیدونستم که هفتهء جهانی مساجد هم داریم!!!! که البته مهم هستش چون کلی از مردم دنیا که وقت نمیکردن به حرفهای رییس جمهور ما گوش بدن این فرصت پیدا کردن و الان میدونن که ایشون برای اداره دنیا برنامه دارن. یکی از همین مردم که ازجزیره باکره انگلیسی* میاد گفت: خدا عمرت بده جوون. از نگرانی درمون اوردی

*British Virgin Island!

there's this Ossie guy in our office that hardly answers my greetings back. i'm close to punch him in his eagle nose! he's of "what a day if you can look it in the face and hold your vomit" type of people!

۱۲ - مرداد - ۱۳۸۹

ماه گریست

و اشکهایش 

سرازیر از میان آسمان خاکستری 

 

تولد خورشید

نوید پایان شبی

بی قرار

و اکنون 

خورشید دیگربار ناپیدا

انتظاری دوباره